Prayer Request for Hope

As our date to bring Hope home from Russia has moved up and we now know that she has been born (based on our timeline and preferences stated in our dossier, she is at least two months old now), we feel that it is more important than ever that we pray very specifically for her while she waits for us in her orphanage. In Russia, children typically arrive at the orphanages from hospitals not long after they are born. 70% are physically or mentally delayed. Most have mild or moderate issues. The downside for these children is that their issues get ignored or overlooked because they are subtle or harder to identify. Children who lack sufficient human touch and interaction as infants, often fail to have healthy emotional and cognitive development. Usually in orphanages, the caregiver to child ratio is high, so the necessary one-to-one attention needed for proper development is absent.

With this in mind, we sat down this weekend and brainstormed some very specific prayer needs to send out and ask you to pray. We know that statistics are statistics, but with prayer, we can make a difference in Hope's life even before she comes home to us. Please consider the following specific prayer needs when you pray for Hope:

* Pray that she has the necessary sensory rich and emotionally nurturing
experiences to help create healthy connections in her brain

* Pray that she is held and talked to by a loving caregiver each and
every day

* Pray that she is responded to and picked up when she cries

* Pray that a loving caregiver holds her when she takes her bottle
(versus propping it up in her crib)

* Pray that her spirit is ministered to and that she senses the presence
of God in her life

* Pray that she is not being neglected or mistreated in any way

* Pray for protection over her body and her heart (emotions)

* Pray that she has the right nutrition so her body can grow healthy
and strong

* Pray that she would not suffer from depression as many children,
even infants, in orphanages do

* Pray that she would not develop sensory or attachment disorders or
any other disorder common among children who have lived in orphanages

* Pray that her surroundings are peaceful and that she feels safe, warm
and comforted in her current environment

* Pray for the healing of any negative or traumatic memories she may
carry with her from the womb to the present

* Pray for her dreams, that God would speak to her and show her the
plans He has for her -- perhaps even that she could see our faces
or her new room in her dreams before she arrives

* Pray that she would know that she is loved and wanted

* Pray for her caregivers so that they would be able to meet her
needs and the needs of all of the babies in their care

* Pray for encouragement for all of the workers in her orphanage as
many get depressed and emotionally exhausted from their work

* Pray that her orphanage would have all the funding and supplies
that it needs

* Pray for her birth family (if they are still living), for comfort
In their grief and peace in knowing she will have a loving home

* Pray that, as her adoptive parents, we would know how to love her,
respond to her and meet her needs

* Pray that God would provide the finances for the rest of our
adoption fees/expenses and for our travel this summer

* Pray that He would prepare each person in our immediate and extended
family to receive, accept and love her as one of our own

These were just the first things that came to mind as we sat down and thought about how to pray. We covet your prayers and will keep you updated as we get closer to the date that we will travel. As of right now, it looks to be sometime between July and September. In the meantime, we are working with our social worker to update our home study and complete the required updates to our dossier before our first trip. Please pray that we would have the focus and energy for all of the work that still needs to be done.

Thank you for your ongoing love, support, encouragement and especially your prayers! They mean the world to us!!

We have a region!

We just received word today that we have been assigned to a region in southwest Russia and will receive our invitation to travel in the next 4-6 months!!!! That's 4 months less time than we originally anticipated and we are just beside ourselves with joy! Our baby could be home by Christmas!!!

We will be invited to travel to Russia sometime between July and September of this year. The purpose of our trip will be to meet her, ask questions of the orphanage director/doctor, and decide whether or not to accept the referral. If we accept, we will submit our petition to adopt then return home and wait for our court date. In the meantime, we have LOTS of paperwork to do, so please keep us in your prayers!!

We are so happy and excited and couldn't wait to share the news! Hope
is born!!

Eight Months

Well, if I were physically pregnant, I would only have one month to go until the birth of my baby. But in a "paper" pregnancy, it takes a lot longer. We still have 4-10 months go go until we get to meet her and another 4-6 months after that until we'll finally bring her home. I feel like an elephant, lol! Right now we are in the process of updating our home study and other documents for our dossier that are about to expire (Russia requires updates to most documents one year after they were originally signed). We are also planning to have another garage sale fundraiser this spring ... details to follow soon!!

I spent a great deal of time with an adopted friend recently and have been learning so much from her perspective. Her adoptive parents wanted her desperately, but her experience growing up was that their needs were greater than hers. She felt that she was there to heal their wounds, meet their needs and to love them. Now, as an adult, she is working through deep wounds and scars of her own. It made me think of how I can prepare in my heart for what Hope will need when she is finally ours. Her mere presence in our lives will bring healing to us. Just to hold her hand and kiss her face will be enough. She is not a replacement for our birth daughter and we are not replacements for her birth parents. I realize this. But I also realize that, as we are given the privilege and responsibility for this tiny little soul, she will come with great needs and those needs are more important than ours. As her parents, it will be our job to find out what those needs are and do our best to meet them ... to help heal her wounds and to love her unconditionally. We will have to put our own needs and agenda aside and learn how to love this little person in such a way that she can receive it. This is laying down your life for one you love. This is John 15:13.

Someone mentioned the book, "The Five Love Languages" to me this week. I was reminded that when people try to love us, they don't always speak our language. For example, my love language is "words of affirmation." If you have ever received a card from me, then you know what I'm talking about. I usually end up writing a book! I can't help it. I will go to great lengths to find just the right card to express how I feel and often add my own words, too (because anyone can "just" send a card). For that reason, I also like meaningful gifts that symbolize something important to me, but words are my primary love language. That is why I journal and blog, and send cards and write letters. I love to express myself in words and I love when others do the same for me. However, Chad's love language is "acts of service." He could wash the car, clean the house and do the laundry and I still wouldn't feel any more loved by him. I need his words like I need air to breathe. He has learned that to love me, he needs to speak my language. And I need to speak his.

So perhaps this dear friend whose adoptive parents were unable to meet her needs simply did not speak her love language. Or maybe they never took the time to learn it. So the question is ... is that love? If we only love others in ways that that are comfortable for us (i.e. in our own love language), are we really loving at all? Is this what it means to "lay down your life" for a friend? To find out what the other person needs and give it even if it doesn't come "naturally" to us? An excuse we often use is "well, that's just now how I'm wired." Even if it's not how I'm wired, I want to try to love Hope that way. I want to lay it all down and give her what she needs because I love her. I want to try to speak her love language so she can grow up feeling loved and whole even without her birth parents. I want to love her regardless of what I get in return. Because in the end, there is no greater love.

"To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten." ~ Unknown

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." ~ John 15:13

Toys for Tots

I received a call from my mom late last night saying that our story was featured on the local Marines Toys for Tots website and newsletter after receiving donations from our family in Hope's honor and Abby's memory at Christmas over the last two years. Here is a link to the story. I am so touched and proud of my girls! ♥

Toys for Tots Article
We are blessed and honored to have been featured and to have been able to give to other little girls in their names. It is truly more blessed to give than to receive!

On another note, all of our documents are about to expire, so it's time to get busy updating everything. The Russian Federation requires that all documents in our 81-page dossier are current within one year of the signature date at all times in order to be considered valid. It will be exactly one year on April 20th since our first document was signed and notarized (hard to believe it's been a year!). It takes about 10-14 days for our agency to ship the documents to Russia and one to two weeks to have them translated. Therefore, the updated documents have to be submitted to our agency about one month before the previously submitted ones expire.

So in addition to homeschooling Benjamin (which is a full-time job in and of itself), my job this spring will be printing and updating forms, running from here to there to get everything signed and notarized again, getting certifications from the county and apostilles from the state, and making sure we stay in complaince. We will also need to update our home study, which may take from 1 to 2 months to complete depending on how fast the background checks/clearances can be obtained. We will now have been fingerprinted by the FBI twice, something I never thought I'd do! We will begin the home study process later this month to be sure it is completed and submitted on time. Boy, this feels like dejavu ... haven't I done all this before??? I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but I know that God will give me the strength to get it all done, just as He always does ...

Thanks again for all of your kindness, love and support over this last year since we began this Journey to Hope. And a HUGE thank you to Toys for Tots for showing your support and love for our family!!

Stages of Waiting

I love this! Our adoption agency sends out a weekly update on where different families are in the adoption process and how much closer we are to our referral. They always include an article of interest or something to encourage waiting families. This was in last week's update and I thought it was worth sharing! We have already experienced many of these "Stages of Waiting" ...

"The Stages of Waiting"
Written By: Julie Corby

Fifteen months ago my husband and I filled out an application to adopt siblings from Ethiopia. Are you familiar with the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross model for the stages of grief? It consists of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I feel like the waiting process during our adoption has taken me through similar distinct stages. While it may be true that the only thing that Dr. Kübler-Ross and I have in common is that she was a psychiatrist and I need a psychiatrist, I believe that these "Stages of Waiting" do, in fact, exist.

Stage 1 >> Relief. My husband and I have finally landed on the same page regarding our family building. We agree on the country. We agree on the agency. We agree to the expense.

Stage 2 >> Joy. There is a light at the end of a long, nine-year tunnel. I've become a member of a club that has, up until now, excluded me. I have a spring in my step. I can walk by a playground without weeping. I can talk about preschool. I'm childproof. I tell everyone I know about our plans.

Stage 3 >> The win/win-naiveté-Melissa Fay Greene Stage. I read There Is No Me Without You. I think, not only am I helping myself, I am helping Africa. We want kids, and millions of orphans need families. It is a win/win situation.

Stage 4 >> Ethical questioning. Many Ethiopian children placed for adoption are not actually orphans. In fact, a lot of them have parents, as well as siblings. They are relinquished because their family cannot afford to feed them. This is when I start wrestling a lot: "If I really cared about Ethiopia, I would take these thousands of dollars we're paying in adoption fees and donate them to an organization that would do everything it could to preserve this family."

Stage 5 >> I am a selfish jerk. My white, privileged need to have a family is much stronger than my need to help Ethiopia. My mothering hormones are not going to be dissipated by my concern for struggling Africans. I am a jerk.

Stage 6 >> Bargaining. I am a selfish jerk, but I agree to change my need. This is when I announce to my husband one morning, "I think that we should adopt a 12-year-old from Ethiopia, instead. We will make sure that she is a true orphan, an only child, and HIV-positive. We have good health insurance." (At this point I think my husband, who likes more than anything to make a decision and stick with it, is starting to wonder why he ever married me in the first place.)

Stage 7 >> Outrage. Why doesn't everyone know how bad things are around the world? Why aren't people doing more? Unfortunately, this outrage turns into self-righteousness and a judgmental attitude, which send me spiraling back to...

Stage 8 >> Guilt. I feel guilty for judging, guilty for adopting, guilty for eating. You name it, I feel guilty.

Stage 9 >> Resolve. I will do something. I will raise awareness. I will start a project that will help. I will make a difference.

Stage 10 >> Renewed optimism. It's OK. We will move forward. I'll call our agency and write the check for the third payment they requested. I will continue to read about parenting. I will do my best to be a mother to these two children.

Stage 11 >> Doubt in the adoption. Are we doing the right thing? Our agency has worked in Ethiopia for a long time, and I am fairly confident that they operate in an ethical manner. But really, how would I know? I do know that the program has changed dramatically in the past year, because so many more people are choosing Ethiopia.

Stage 12 >> Doubt in myself. Am I too (insert any of these adjectives here: old, dejected, cynical, impatient, selfish) to adopt?

Stage 13 >> Doubt that it will ever happen. We know several couples who applied after we did who have already received their referrals, have traveled, and are now happily ensconced with their new families. Is this just one more thing that works out for everyone except us? I have days when I believe that we will never get to adopt. This feels precarious, and reminds me of a feeling I've had before. Our four pregnancies didn't work out, so why did I think this would? (This stage also involves envy, but envy is so yucky, let's not give it its own stage.)

Stage 14 >> Disillusionment. This is when all of your warm and fuzzy feelings about adoption don't feel warm and fuzzy anymore. They feel messy and worrisome.

Stage 15 >> Exhilaration. A couple of weeks ago, I was at home with my husband and our dogs. All of the sudden, I thought, "This is going to happen! We are going to be parents! There will be children here, in our house, SOON!" I grinned like an idiot. This stage lasted exactly 90 minutes.

Stage 16 >> Unexpected, renewed faith in humanity. Where have you people been all my life? There is something special about the adoption community. It takes someone with a big heart, I think, and at least some sense of adventure, to adopt. I am so grateful to have met so many incredible people on this journey. I mean it.

Stage 17 >> Joyful, Uneasy anticipation. The uneasiness may disappear when we get our referral, but maybe it is important to always feel uneasy. Being a prospective adoptive parent is complicated. Obviously, the people who are really going through something are the birth families and the children. Their losses are much more difficult and devastating. If I am lucky enough to become a parent, I must continue to question. I will do my best to remain observant, to monitor agencies' activities and message boards, to help those who come after me, and to help those who are left behind.

The feelings of joy and anticipation are substantially less complicated. In January 2008, our social worker let us know we were Waiting Family #103. Today, we are Waiting Family #3. We want this more than anything. I can't wait to see my husband be a father. I can't wait for my parents to meet their grandchildren. I can't wait to sing someone to sleep, to make someone laugh, and to bandage a skinned knee. We are ready for our joyful, uneasy, happy ending.

Follow Julie's story at:www.theeyesofmyeyesareopened.blogspot.com