Last night was our second visit from the social worker. I wasn't as nervous this time around. It just felt like a visit from a friend! Part of her role will be to help us make the adjustment when we bring our child home and to be a support through the process. She spent some time reviewing and explaining various medical and emotional issues that are typically associated with children adopted internationally and discussed some adjustment issues we can expect after we return with our child. We'll be starting our training this week, so we'll get a little more in depth look at some of the issues we may be facing. She also focused on my interview. I completed a 14 page questionnaire (my homework) since her last visit and we reviewed my answers together. Chad's interview begins when she returns on Monday (he'll do his homweork over the weekend).
We have already completed many of the required forms and collected much of the required documentation for the home study, which should be finished by mid-May. So far, we have been able to pay cash for everything, which has been such a gift! We already had some money in savings and a few people have donated to help us pay for our 'startup' expenses. We are so grateful! Our goal is to stay as debt-free as possible during the early stages of the adoption ... at least until we can begin applying for grants and loans, which are not available until the home study is complete. All of the organizations that we have found providing grants and loans for adoption will require that we submit a copy of the completed home study with our application. So getting through this first step is crucial to funding the rest.
This week, we'll be sending our application to the CIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services), which is a division of Homeland Security. We'll also be fingerprinted and get our passports. Then we'll turn our attention back to compliling the various documents required for our dossier. Thankfully, the home study fee is not due until it has been completed by the social worker, which will be sometime in May. These are pretty big expenses, but we know the Lord will continue to provide for everything. He has already provided so much!
Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us, listened to us, encouraged us and supported us up to this point. It has been an amazing process so far and we are amazed at how quickly everything has been moving along. Stay tuned for more updates. We'll keep you posted!!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Home Study Has Begun
Tonight was the first of four visits from the social worker for our home study. Chad was his usual calm, cool and collected self, but I have to admit -- I was a ball of nerves!!
Benjamin gave her the tour of the house, starting with the bedrooms. He was so proud to have such an important part in the process! He showed her his room, then Abby's, then ours. She took notes as she scanned each room and thanked Benjamin for his help. It was strange to bring a total stranger into Abby's room just seconds after greeting her and have it be so non-chalant and clinical. But at the same time, it was a relief to have it over with at the beginning. After all, in a year or so, it is going to be "Hope's" room! It was nice to acknowledge that and make it a reality in her presence. We finished touring the rest of the house: upstairs bathroom, living room, kitchen, play room, laundry, storage, downstairs bathroom, garage. And we were done. That fast. All that cleaning and the tour was over in less than 10 minutes!
After the tour was complete, we sat at the kitchen table and began the introductory interview. We skipped all the small talk and went straight for some pretty heavy topics, but, thankfully, Chad's humor and Benjamin's frequent interruptions kept giving us small breaks just when they were needed. I could see tears well up in her eyes a few times as we shared our story and I felt my nerves begin to relax in the comfort of her kindness. She asked a few questions and continued with her notetaking before finally interjecting some really important thoughts ...
One that we had already considered and that she realized after hearing our story, is how we have been uniquely equipped to be adoptive parents. Bittersweet, but true. Losing Abby will help us understand both the loss experienced by the birth parents and the grief experienced by our child. There was a chapter on it in a book we read about adoption a few months ago. Experts call it a "psychological presence" or "the symbolic existence of an individual in the perception of other family members in a way that influences thoughts, emotions, behavior, identity or unity of remaining family members." To put it in simple terms, someone is missing and life is different than it would have been and there are marked moments where that loss is experienced physically and emotionally. Having experienced such a significant loss ourselves, we will be able to relate with her loss and allow her to express grief in healthy ways she grows up and begins to understand the full extent of what it means to be adopted and losing her birth family.
At times, she will feel that someone is missing from her life. We know and understand how that feels. At times she will want to know if her birth parents think about her and may wonder what life would have been like with them. We know what it's like to wonder what would have been. We also know that you cannot give birth to a child, lose that child, and not stop thinking or wondering about them. She may be triggered emotionally by anniversaries or special days. There are anniversaries and special days that trigger our emotions, too. We understand grief on this level and it amazes me to see how God has already intertwined our lives in such a way that He has already begun to mold us into the parents she will need. And just like expecting a baby through pregnancy, we already feel so much love for her. It seems that as we complete each step and get closer to the day we will finally see her, our love for her just continues to grow and grow!
After about an hour of deep discussion, we went over some forms, discussed the steps in the process and she gave us a homework assignment to complete before her next visit. Next week, she will come back and do one-on-one interviews with each of us, separately. In the meantime, we need to complete some questionnaires and continue compiling documents for our dossier, CIS and home study.
It was such a wonderful, amazing experience tonight. I still can't believe this is really happening! Each step brings more confirmation that this is God's path for us and a renewed faith that He will continnue to provide everything we need. I know I will be much more relaxed for the next visit, now that we know what to expect. And I think we've made a new friend in the process, too!!
Benjamin gave her the tour of the house, starting with the bedrooms. He was so proud to have such an important part in the process! He showed her his room, then Abby's, then ours. She took notes as she scanned each room and thanked Benjamin for his help. It was strange to bring a total stranger into Abby's room just seconds after greeting her and have it be so non-chalant and clinical. But at the same time, it was a relief to have it over with at the beginning. After all, in a year or so, it is going to be "Hope's" room! It was nice to acknowledge that and make it a reality in her presence. We finished touring the rest of the house: upstairs bathroom, living room, kitchen, play room, laundry, storage, downstairs bathroom, garage. And we were done. That fast. All that cleaning and the tour was over in less than 10 minutes!
After the tour was complete, we sat at the kitchen table and began the introductory interview. We skipped all the small talk and went straight for some pretty heavy topics, but, thankfully, Chad's humor and Benjamin's frequent interruptions kept giving us small breaks just when they were needed. I could see tears well up in her eyes a few times as we shared our story and I felt my nerves begin to relax in the comfort of her kindness. She asked a few questions and continued with her notetaking before finally interjecting some really important thoughts ...
One that we had already considered and that she realized after hearing our story, is how we have been uniquely equipped to be adoptive parents. Bittersweet, but true. Losing Abby will help us understand both the loss experienced by the birth parents and the grief experienced by our child. There was a chapter on it in a book we read about adoption a few months ago. Experts call it a "psychological presence" or "the symbolic existence of an individual in the perception of other family members in a way that influences thoughts, emotions, behavior, identity or unity of remaining family members." To put it in simple terms, someone is missing and life is different than it would have been and there are marked moments where that loss is experienced physically and emotionally. Having experienced such a significant loss ourselves, we will be able to relate with her loss and allow her to express grief in healthy ways she grows up and begins to understand the full extent of what it means to be adopted and losing her birth family.
At times, she will feel that someone is missing from her life. We know and understand how that feels. At times she will want to know if her birth parents think about her and may wonder what life would have been like with them. We know what it's like to wonder what would have been. We also know that you cannot give birth to a child, lose that child, and not stop thinking or wondering about them. She may be triggered emotionally by anniversaries or special days. There are anniversaries and special days that trigger our emotions, too. We understand grief on this level and it amazes me to see how God has already intertwined our lives in such a way that He has already begun to mold us into the parents she will need. And just like expecting a baby through pregnancy, we already feel so much love for her. It seems that as we complete each step and get closer to the day we will finally see her, our love for her just continues to grow and grow!
After about an hour of deep discussion, we went over some forms, discussed the steps in the process and she gave us a homework assignment to complete before her next visit. Next week, she will come back and do one-on-one interviews with each of us, separately. In the meantime, we need to complete some questionnaires and continue compiling documents for our dossier, CIS and home study.
It was such a wonderful, amazing experience tonight. I still can't believe this is really happening! Each step brings more confirmation that this is God's path for us and a renewed faith that He will continnue to provide everything we need. I know I will be much more relaxed for the next visit, now that we know what to expect. And I think we've made a new friend in the process, too!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Hurry Up and Wait
We had our orientation this morning and spoke with the social worker today. We are already scheduled for four visits to take place over the next four to five weeks to complete the interviews that are required as part of our Home Study. Everything seems to be moving quickly!
Lets see. So far we've compeleted the application, been accepted, read and reviewed all of the requirements from the agency and both governments, completed the orientation call, connected with the social worker, scheduled our home study, ordered our 10 hour educational course on DVD and tomorrow I plan to complete the forms to request approval from the CIS and begin working on our dossier. It's hard to believe we've done all this in just the last week and a half! And yet there is a paper mountain still to be climbed ... birth certificates, marriage certificates, employment letters, physician's letters, reference letters, copies of our deed, passports, financial statements, fingerprinting, police clearance reports, photographs and a myriad of other questionnaires, applications and forms required by various state, federal and international agencies. Thank God for checklists! =)
I know it's hurry up and wait, but there is much to be done so we can get our place in line and I can't wait! Have you ever been at the bank and you are rushing to fill out your deposit slip so you can get a spot in line before it gets too long? It feels just like that. While we are busy collecting everything for our dossier, those who have already completed theirs are taking their place in line. The sooner we get done, the sooner we can get in line and ... wait!!
Lets see. So far we've compeleted the application, been accepted, read and reviewed all of the requirements from the agency and both governments, completed the orientation call, connected with the social worker, scheduled our home study, ordered our 10 hour educational course on DVD and tomorrow I plan to complete the forms to request approval from the CIS and begin working on our dossier. It's hard to believe we've done all this in just the last week and a half! And yet there is a paper mountain still to be climbed ... birth certificates, marriage certificates, employment letters, physician's letters, reference letters, copies of our deed, passports, financial statements, fingerprinting, police clearance reports, photographs and a myriad of other questionnaires, applications and forms required by various state, federal and international agencies. Thank God for checklists! =)
I know it's hurry up and wait, but there is much to be done so we can get our place in line and I can't wait! Have you ever been at the bank and you are rushing to fill out your deposit slip so you can get a spot in line before it gets too long? It feels just like that. While we are busy collecting everything for our dossier, those who have already completed theirs are taking their place in line. The sooner we get done, the sooner we can get in line and ... wait!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Big Brother
Every night before Benjamin goes to bed, we read a page from his preschool devotional. The topic last night was 'blessings.' As we were reading, we began to name blessings in our lives like food, a house, a bed, blankets and then he added'a mommy and daddy' which led us into a conversation about adoption. He has known we have been planning to adopt pretty much from the beginning. We had already received the news that we had been accepted to the Russia program and we celebrated with him earlier in the evening, so it was fresh on his mind. We explained that the little girl we were adopting didn't have a mommy or daddy and he got a really sad expression on his face. Then he said, "That makes me really sad for her. I will take care of her. I will teach her not to go into the street if there's a car and protect her." It just melted both of our hearts. He was so tender and sincere in the way he was describing how he felt. I can already see a compassion in his heart towards his new sister. I am so proud of him and I know he is going to be a wonderful big brother.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
We've Been Accepted!!!
We were accepted to the Russia program this afternoon, so it's official: we are 'paper pregnant'!!! We were able to share the news with many friends today and are so excited to finally be able to include everyone on this journey! We hope you will continue to check back on our progress. Our orientation is on Tuesday at 11:00, so we have a lot to do between now and then. Our coordinator gave us a bunch of 'homework' assignments to complete prior to Tuesday so that we are prepared. Once orientation is done, the first few steps will be to begin the required 10 hours of training, schedule our home study and apply for CIS approval. Then we will be able to start applying for grants and compile our dossier. Your prayers at this time would be greatly appreciated. We have a mountain of paperwork to collect and so much yet to learn about this whole process. We are so excited to have you along with us on this incredible journey. Thank you for all of the support and encouragement we've already received! It's hard to believe that by this time next year, we will be welcoming home our new baby, "HOPE"!!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Application Submitted
Well, today we submitted our application, so now we pray and wait! Hopefully the agency will receive it tomorrow or Saturday and by early next week, we'll know whether or not we have been accepted and if this journey is going to continue! I'll post next week when we hear something. We are sooooooo excited!!! =)
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