Seven Months

Where do I begin this blog? After 7 months, the waiting has finally become ... HARD! Maybe it's because it's winter and we're cooped up in the house more than ever. Maybe it's because on these long cold days, I wish Abby were here playing with her brother. Maybe it's because I wish Hope would hurry up and come home so Benjamin would have someone to play with. Or maybe it's just because the waiting is ... hard. I think it's a lot of things.

I told my husband the other day that he is married to a bear. Yes, a bear. I hibernate. Don't wake me up in my hibernation or you might get mauled, lol! Really, it's a good illustration of what winter does to my soul. I want to curl up in my cave and not come out until spring. Anything that upsets me makes me want to ROAR! What a great illustration of the winter blahs. I think it's what I have had for a long time. Put wanting, hoping, praying and waiting for another little person to grace our lives with that, plus a little boy who is starting to express his feelings of wishing his sister were here, and knowing there is nothing I can do about it, and it can get somewhat yucky! It's been a long winter.

On the other hand, we have so much hope, so much anticipation to see what is going to unfold as the snow melts and spring flowers push their way up through the dirt this spring. Another wonderful illustration of our human struggle. We are like the seeds in the ground, pushing up against the frozen soil. We have to wrestle through and push against the resistance in our lives in order to bloom. Sometimes it's a battle and it seems like we will never get there, but alas spring comes and the flowers are abundant and when it happens, it is so beautiful it takes our breath away! I am amazed at all of the illustrations in nature. Spring, summer, fall, winter ... but spring always comes!!! The snow is melting and I am waiting in anticipation for my spring!

I got the privilege to meet Mary Beth Chapman this week at the ECM annual banquet. I was reminded of the verse in Song of Solomon, which is also an old Vineyard worship song: "He brought me to His banqueting table and His banner over me is love." I had been desperately needing a reminder of God's love for me and received it in the form of a tender gesture by a beloved brother-in-Christ who also happened to be the host of the evening. I saw him earlier in the night and he said, "You would like to meet Mary Beth tonight, wouldn't you? I will see what I can do to make that happen." So, as everyone was seated and the meal was served, he came to me and without a word, took me by the hand from my table in the back of the room and walked me all the way to the head table where he introduced me as "someone very special who wants to meet you." I was able to thank her in person for the Show Hope grant and share about my daughters, Abby and Hope, and this journey we have been on. It was equally special to me that she shares both journeys. And, although it was Matt who walked me to the head table, it felt like Jesus himself was taking me to His table and saying, "You are special to me and I want to do this for you." I felt loved by my Father.

The whole evening was full of the Father's love. I was seated at a table next to a dear friend who I didn't even know was coming and as we began talking, I noticed another person next to her whose name was familiar. The it came to me and I asked, "Didn't you adopt a little boy from Russia 3 years ago?" And she said, "Yes, how did you know?" Over a year ago, I had called her as a reference for the agency we were choosing to coordinate our adoption and we had spoken for nearly 2 hours on the phone. We shared how lonely and isolating this journey can feel and how wonderful it is when we meet someone who has experienced it, too. There are no coincidences. I needed a friend who knows what I'm going through and God brought her to my table. We exchanged numbers and agreed to get together and let our boys play so we could talk more about our adoptions and how our lives have changed since starting this journey.

In the winter of my soul, God has and continues to place people in my life to encourage me and nudge me along the path so I don't retreat and hibernate in my cave. He brings the refreshment I desperately need just when it's needed. And He continues to remind me, "Emily, you are My girl. And your spring is coming!"

I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine.
~ Song of Solomon 6:3