Eight Months

Well, if I were physically pregnant, I would only have one month to go until the birth of my baby. But in a "paper" pregnancy, it takes a lot longer. We still have 4-10 months go go until we get to meet her and another 4-6 months after that until we'll finally bring her home. I feel like an elephant, lol! Right now we are in the process of updating our home study and other documents for our dossier that are about to expire (Russia requires updates to most documents one year after they were originally signed). We are also planning to have another garage sale fundraiser this spring ... details to follow soon!!

I spent a great deal of time with an adopted friend recently and have been learning so much from her perspective. Her adoptive parents wanted her desperately, but her experience growing up was that their needs were greater than hers. She felt that she was there to heal their wounds, meet their needs and to love them. Now, as an adult, she is working through deep wounds and scars of her own. It made me think of how I can prepare in my heart for what Hope will need when she is finally ours. Her mere presence in our lives will bring healing to us. Just to hold her hand and kiss her face will be enough. She is not a replacement for our birth daughter and we are not replacements for her birth parents. I realize this. But I also realize that, as we are given the privilege and responsibility for this tiny little soul, she will come with great needs and those needs are more important than ours. As her parents, it will be our job to find out what those needs are and do our best to meet them ... to help heal her wounds and to love her unconditionally. We will have to put our own needs and agenda aside and learn how to love this little person in such a way that she can receive it. This is laying down your life for one you love. This is John 15:13.

Someone mentioned the book, "The Five Love Languages" to me this week. I was reminded that when people try to love us, they don't always speak our language. For example, my love language is "words of affirmation." If you have ever received a card from me, then you know what I'm talking about. I usually end up writing a book! I can't help it. I will go to great lengths to find just the right card to express how I feel and often add my own words, too (because anyone can "just" send a card). For that reason, I also like meaningful gifts that symbolize something important to me, but words are my primary love language. That is why I journal and blog, and send cards and write letters. I love to express myself in words and I love when others do the same for me. However, Chad's love language is "acts of service." He could wash the car, clean the house and do the laundry and I still wouldn't feel any more loved by him. I need his words like I need air to breathe. He has learned that to love me, he needs to speak my language. And I need to speak his.

So perhaps this dear friend whose adoptive parents were unable to meet her needs simply did not speak her love language. Or maybe they never took the time to learn it. So the question is ... is that love? If we only love others in ways that that are comfortable for us (i.e. in our own love language), are we really loving at all? Is this what it means to "lay down your life" for a friend? To find out what the other person needs and give it even if it doesn't come "naturally" to us? An excuse we often use is "well, that's just now how I'm wired." Even if it's not how I'm wired, I want to try to love Hope that way. I want to lay it all down and give her what she needs because I love her. I want to try to speak her love language so she can grow up feeling loved and whole even without her birth parents. I want to love her regardless of what I get in return. Because in the end, there is no greater love.

"To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten." ~ Unknown

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." ~ John 15:13